Here it is, almost 4 am, and I’m still awake. What could I be thinking? Well, I’ve actually been doing a lot of thinking lately, but to be honest, it’s too late to try and articulate what that thinking has entailed. I will say, though, that I’m changing in a few ways…good ways of course. I think I’m reaching the point where I’m really going to dedicate myself to what’s important. I’m not there yet, and I know I should be already, but I think it’ll be soon. When I say important, I’m thinking things like improving my musicality, improving my relationships with people, and improving my relationship with God. Basically, I’m getting really sick of not seeing improvement in any of those areas. Of course, it’s easy to say I’m going to get my act together and my butt in gear, but it’s just slightly harder to actually do it. It’s always been a matter of motivation. I have to see a goal. I have to have a reason, or I feel like it’s pointless. Kinda like exercise… For years, I’ve heard people tell me that I’m a great musician, and they wonder why I even need lessons anymore. Little do they know that I am far from the greatest I can be. That statement also applies quite well to my relationships with others and with God. Anyway, with people saying those types of things to me, it has been very easy to think that I’ve reached some sort of goal, as false as it actually is. Don’t get me wrong; I appreciate a compliment, but it doesn’t help me be motivated to improve when people are asking how I could possibly get any better. Basically, it comes down to this: I’m used to immediate gratification and being satisfied with the best I can be with minimal effort. I hope to change that.

I know life won’t be handed to me on a silver platter, so I think if I can get this straight now (even though it’s already kind of late to be learning this), I’ll be much better off in the future…more prepared for real life.

Ok, so I guess I did have the brain power to output at least some of my thoughts.

Matt